Why I am against marriage, and monogamy, and for safe sex.

Tonight I will attend the engagement party of some good friends of mine. I’ve been making a lot of jokes lately about how crazy the whole concept of marriage is to me. You could argue that I am a little bitter, and have been stung by the ending of my marriage, but I don’t think it is that.

Marriage makes it exceptionally hard for two people to move on from each other. I can’t argue too strongly against this being somewhat beneficial to children, but on the whole I despise that idea. Instead of being with someone because the relationship is good, we remain in a marriage because it is hard to get out of.

My friends do not believe me, but I will NEVER get married again. No interest, never! I want to be with someone while it is still good, and then when it’s not, for us to move on from each other. I really hope that things stay good, and I don’t see any reason why this wouldn’t happen with A for a very long time, and I expect forever. Yet I am a realist, and sometimes circumstances change. She is a young little thing, and her outlook and direction may change as she grows older.

I also don’t believe in monogamy. It’s quite crazy to me to believe that after millions of years of sexual promiscuity as a species, that we aren’t doing anything but fighting our DNA to be monogamous. I have some personal stories to share with you some other time on this topic, where I haven’t quite behaved to the spirit of these words here – but I very much believe in it. I think I can have a stable core relationship with one partner, and engage in ethical sexual relationships with others. As long as we both agree to this, and both have the same freedom, then I believe it can work well. I don’t see myself only having sex with one girl for the rest of my life – there are too many pretty things out there for us both to explore. As long as we make it a part of our relationship, and we relish in the details of each other’s conquests, it can work well.

To reduce the risks of these lifestyle choices, I make two decisions. Firstly, I will not engage in any sexual relations with someone that hasn’t had a recent STI test – seems easy enough. I pride myself on my sexual health, and myself and A both underwent testing before we first fucked. I have an obligation to my partner, and to myself to insist on this. Anyone that refuses, is someone I am not interested in.

Secondly, I will have a vasectomy. I have a beautiful daughter, but I will not have any more children. I’m sure some of you will think that is selfish of me – shouldn’t I take into account the wishes of my partner. Well, A seems quite resolute that she never wants children. She has some very well thought out logic, and past experiences that make her not want to give birth – it is not my place to share those reasons with you. However, even aside from A, I believe there are plenty of people that would be comfortable with my stance, and I don’t want any accidental offspring.


5 thoughts on “Why I am against marriage, and monogamy, and for safe sex.

  1. She is 21. I know you think she is a special kind of 21 but she is still 21. I imagine she has no friends (unless she hangs with college students who are also sugar babies*) who are in her situation. And while most of her friends will wait a while to get married, there are always a few in every group who marry straight out of school.

    I am thrilled that you are getting a vasectomy. On every level it is the right decision for you. But more than that, down the road it will keep one of the women you become involved with from getting pregnant by accident, since I presume you are a fairly high income earner.

    You should do this soon, before A changes her mind. And here is why she will/may/might do so. Because she will become increasingly concerned about your connection with your wife through your daughter. Why? Because she is TWENTY ONE. And she will be insecure. And maybe a bit competitive. ETC ETC ETC

    Right now she is enthralled with you and likely saying the things she thinks you want to hear. I know you don’t believe this, but as a mother of young adults I can tell you that I am likely right.

    Did you figure out logistics for A’s arrival?


    1. Whooaaa. Hold on a second there lady, she is absolutely not a sugar baby… Why does everyone always assume that. You can say anything you like on here, and I will respect your views. However, I will not accept that. We came to an agreement, after much debate and discussion that I would pay 80% of the cost of our dates, and she would pay 20%. Mainly because she is student, and I make good money. We determined the split because it meant that she was still paying an amount that was meaningful to her. She wants me to know that she is with me for who I am, and not because of my wealth.

      I couldn’t stand a girl being with me for my money. It would be the ultimate romance killer. I have plenty of personality, and lots to give romantically and sexually. I don’t need to fucking buy it.


      1. I didn’t say she was a sugar baby — go back and read it again. What I said was — her situation is unique and unless she is hanging with students who are sugarbabies, she is unilkely to have friends who are dating me who are 10+years older than they are. So she won’t have friends who can relate to the challenges of dating a married man, dating a man going through a divorce, dating a man with a kid, etc. I do see that I left out my point — or wasn’t clear.

        A says she dosn’t want to get married, She is 21. Her friends, if they are dating, are likely dating guys closer to their own ages and most of them aren’t yet talking about marriage (except for that one or two who are going to get married straight out of college). Therefore, no matter what she tells you now, this is likely to change as her friends marry. I wasn’t particularly clear. Sorry.


      2. Apology accepted.

        I generally agree with your statement. However, in her case, there are some quite tragic events she has been through – that I would never talk about – that make her never want to be married or have kids. She is vehemently aggressive on both of those fronts. So I know it seems like I am being naive – I can’t communicate her bloodymindedness on this.


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