Tonight I will attend the engagement party of some good friends of mine. I’ve been making a lot of jokes lately about how crazy the whole concept of marriage is to me. You could argue that I am a little bitter, and have been stung by the ending of my marriage, but I don’t think it is that.
Marriage makes it exceptionally hard for two people to move on from each other. I can’t argue too strongly against this being somewhat beneficial to children, but on the whole I despise that idea. Instead of being with someone because the relationship is good, we remain in a marriage because it is hard to get out of.
My friends do not believe me, but I will NEVER get married again. No interest, never! I want to be with someone while it is still good, and then when it’s not, for us to move on from each other. I really hope that things stay good, and I don’t see any reason why this wouldn’t happen with A for a very long time, and I expect forever. Yet I am a realist, and sometimes circumstances change. She is a young little thing, and her outlook and direction may change as she grows older.
I also don’t believe in monogamy. It’s quite crazy to me to believe that after millions of years of sexual promiscuity as a species, that we aren’t doing anything but fighting our DNA to be monogamous. I have some personal stories to share with you some other time on this topic, where I haven’t quite behaved to the spirit of these words here – but I very much believe in it. I think I can have a stable core relationship with one partner, and engage in ethical sexual relationships with others. As long as we both agree to this, and both have the same freedom, then I believe it can work well. I don’t see myself only having sex with one girl for the rest of my life – there are too many pretty things out there for us both to explore. As long as we make it a part of our relationship, and we relish in the details of each other’s conquests, it can work well.
To reduce the risks of these lifestyle choices, I make two decisions. Firstly, I will not engage in any sexual relations with someone that hasn’t had a recent STI test – seems easy enough. I pride myself on my sexual health, and myself and A both underwent testing before we first fucked. I have an obligation to my partner, and to myself to insist on this. Anyone that refuses, is someone I am not interested in.
Secondly, I will have a vasectomy. I have a beautiful daughter, but I will not have any more children. I’m sure some of you will think that is selfish of me – shouldn’t I take into account the wishes of my partner. Well, A seems quite resolute that she never wants children. She has some very well thought out logic, and past experiences that make her not want to give birth – it is not my place to share those reasons with you. However, even aside from A, I believe there are plenty of people that would be comfortable with my stance, and I don’t want any accidental offspring.