I’m feeling a lot of them today. With hindsight, I would have done so many things differently. Let me be clear, I wouldn’t change the decision I made to leave my wife for A. However, I feel like I’ve created a bigger mess by extracting myself from H than was needed.
I desperately love my daughter, P. I can’t imagine her not being in my life. My dear of losing her led me to put together an elaborate plan to leave H. I told her I was leaving her, but not that I had found someone else. I knew A was going to be out of the country until the end of May, and so I thought I could show H how much I would care for her and P, and how much it made sense for them to both stay in the US – great house, great schools, our farm.
But I’m left feeling so sad about the whole thing. I feel like I am drowning in a web of lies. I don’t like that I’ve done this to so many people. Nobody knows anything except for A. I can’t imagine how it makes her feel – “is he going to do this to me?”.
She understands why I did it, I know that. I really hope that I haven’t made the problem infinitely bigger than it needed to be l, if I had just “manned up” and come up with the truth at the outset. I think H would’ve understood. Now if it all comes out I really do risk losing everything.
I don’t feel like I can just come out with the truth now. I’m too deep, and down the rabbit hole.
I’m so glad I finally have been able to tell my friends I’ve found a wonderful girl. I told them we met on my trip to the island. Yet I’m sad I did it this way. I just don’t see any way out than to keep on this path.