Advice from my marriage counsellor

I asked my marriage therapist about what I should say to H, and when I should say it. She doesn’t know the full details about how long this has been going on.
I wanted to share it, and I am still processing.

Hello. I am so happy that you were able to make a connection with someone. I can imagine that it feels wonderful. A vacation was needed after that busy time at work.

Decades of research has proven that it is always better to wait when introducing a new partner to children and an ex (in a shared custody setting). With children under 10 it is recommended that unless the person is becoming a step parent or a live-in partner it is best to separate dating/time with kids and leave “sleep overs” for when the children are with the other custodial parent. A year is how long it usually takes children to process the divorce, grieve their nuclear family and arrive at a “new normal” with each of their parents.

The advise I have been given from lawyers when I have consulted and attending trainings; is that in cases where only one of the partners has begun to date, this information can be used against said parent, has halted the mediation process and it has moved into court proceedings and definitely changes the dynamics and relationship of the partners who are trying to coparent and adjust after the separation.

I say think more about this as you continue to see where this relationship is headed. I am not saying you should be celibate and end this budding relationship. You deserve happiness and to be fulfilled. What are your thoughts about the points I brought up?

So glad you reached out. Thank you for trusting me. I am here to support you through this.



3 thoughts on “Advice from my marriage counsellor

  1. I hope you will take your counselor’s advice seriously (and not just because it is similar to mine 🙂 ) but because your child is so very young and what you do now has so many implications for the future. Your counselor is being very straight with you.


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