On our parting…

I’m totally and overwhelming taken by you. I’m toast right now – burned and blackened and inedible. I’m a mess of love, and sadness, and jealousy for everyone that gets to spend time with you over the next month. I never thought I’d find a love like this. I’ve hurt every day that you’ve been away – that we have not been together – and I’ll hurt until I have you in my arms again. 

I commit everything I have to you – I’m “all-in” with my heart, and with my mind. You feel like the biggest risk I’ve ever taken, but in a good way. I’m going to live my life to the full, and I look forwards to you being in it. It’s refreshing to be able to be so honest with you about everything I feel, and it’s adorable how honest you always are with me about your feelings, and what happens in your life. I won’t ever hide anything from you, and I promise that the person that is drowning in this entangled web of lies isn’t me. I feel so sick, a lot of the time – I’m desperate for the day when this marriage is behind me, so I can be the best person that I have the potential to be.

I consider it a privilege and an honor to be on this journey with you. I love to be there for you. I know I’ve been a drag at times over the past three months. I’ve gotten scared of losing you because you are the best thing to ever happen to me. You are a shining star. It’s scary because I can see how easy you are to fall in love with, even though I know you are mine, and I can see your commitment to me every day.

I’m a work in progress – it takes a long time to unwind from the person you have been for too much of your life, and to become the man you want to be. Just know I am trying, and I will succeed. I thank you sincerely for your devout patience, and I’m sorry for the collateral damage of the missteps I’ve made already, and will make in the future. I will never claim to be a good man – anyone that claims that, probably isn’t. I’ll just continue to evidence my love, and devotion to you each and every day. I’ll never intentionally hurt you. 

I’m always writing you such long messages – it’s how my mind works. I have to write down my feelings because I think you deserve to hear them. I’ll get onto my flight soon. I’ll think about you, and I’ll smile, and probably I’ll cry a little too. A romance, and love as strong as ours deserves a chance to flourish, and I think that this Summer will be that. I’m so desperate to have you back on the mainland, and close to me again, even though I fully support everything you’ve done over the last months.

I love you so very much.

xxxxx

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