A beginning, and an end.

On Wednesday morning, I leave for a tropical island to visit her. The story of us is long, and complex, and beautiful, and sordid. She makes me fear my future, and ache for her presence. I’m enraptured, and obsessed with her. Before her I was satisfied to live an average existence, and I made do with what I had. I experienced¬†moments of vivid happiness, and of pleasure, and of love, but not like this.

She is 21, and I am 34. She is a college student – a wild, and decadent mixture of intellect, humor, and youth. I’m just a man that’s made some poor choices, until I met her.

I’m not what society would call a good person. I left my wife to be with her. I left my wife, and my beautiful daughter to be with her – I felt I had no other choice, as I couldn’t stand to be without her. I want to tell you everything. I want to tell you all of the details, blow by blow. I believe that I can be honest with you, with someone, for once. I’m not seeking absolution, nor forgiveness, and certainly not a pat on the back. Yet I feel like someone needs to know about this, because the secrecy is grating, and because holding in the ecstatic joy, and deep sadness I feel is no longer helpful.

I will detour along the way, and mix the past, and my present, and my future plans. I hope you can accompany on my dissection of my life, and I hope that you can learn from the mistakes that I’ve made.

Love is a complex mess of chemicals – hormones, and ambitions, and emotions. I don’t pretend to be anything but another animal, drawn into a conflict between my primal urges, and my conscience. Each day I face my decisions, and question them. I’ve hurt a lot of people, and I am remorseful. Yet I’m cognizant of my own mortality, and I’m compelled to live in a manner that makes me happy – and not how I’m expected to behave.

Judge me! Berate me! I’m ready to share it all with you – I’m not afraid of myself any longer.

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3 thoughts on “A beginning, and an end.

  1. It’s extremely refreshing to see someone writing about the other side of the medal. Love happens, and heart has its reason that even reason ignores! I’m 26, my boyfriend is 37. We met online and had a online friendship/relationship for two years before he left his wife of 8 years. He felt he couldn’t do it anymore, try so hard to give a love that he felt was never enough. We never planned what would happen, he never left her ‘for me’ but life put us together. I now moved to the UK to be with him, and despite many difficulties, we are happy. He doesn’t regret leaving her. We both feel remorseful but we are finally happy and living. His ex-wife sees me as the homewrecker and stalks me, insults me, blogs about me, calls me name and all… I’m glad to see that other people lived the same thing and can understand. I look forward to reading more of your story. x

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    1. Hello, Frede. Thank you so much for your comment – it’s good to here of someone seeking happiness and achieving it. I really hope that your situation with his ex improves in the near future – and I wish you love and happiness.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I doubt that the situation will improve anytime soon – she is extremely bitter and hold a tight grudge – but I guess time will do its work… I wish you the best too. I look forward reading more of your blog.

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